the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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