Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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