i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
