she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
