Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
