You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
