My balls are so social today.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize