she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
