If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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