Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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