Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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