just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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