Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
