how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
