Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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