I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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