I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
