Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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