Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
