so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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