So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
