jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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