meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Fuck appropriateness.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
