his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
