Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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