all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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