Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I want to fling myself into the sun
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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