I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
