I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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