New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
