Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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