Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
