No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
ttyl tear gas
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
