woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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