Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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