...so i touched it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
