Small penises have feelings too.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize