it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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