we made out on top of his cat.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
