I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
