she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
