She is in my trunk
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How does one acquire holy water?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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