Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
