i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
