Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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