Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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