I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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