That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
