how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
