I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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