took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
