Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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