i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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