You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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