theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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