I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
