non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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