he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
