Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
