I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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