Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
