Dignity is for republicans.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You made out with two different species that night
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
