so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize