I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
