Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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