I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
