Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
