I puked a lego.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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