david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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