If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
