All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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