we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I need to align my fucking chakras
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
