Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
